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It’s All In The Details – Creating A Successful Care Plan For Your Children’s Guardians

Death isn’t something we like to talk about, but it’s critical to have a detailed plan for your children’s guardians – just in case. Wills, Trusts & Estates

This past week, my parents came to help my wife and I as we prepared for my wife’s upcoming medical procedure. They came early to learn the kids’ routines such as where their school is, what they eat and their bedtime routines.

Most of us don’t really think much about our day-to-day routines. In fact, we just go. We’re pretty much on autopilot. Having my parents come to help me with the kids was a good dry run for if my wife and I were to unexpectedly pass and we needed our children’s guardians to step in and follow the instructions we’ve prepared.

To help us prepare for her procedure, which would leave her out of pocket for a couple of weeks, my wife typed out every little detail about the kids’ days. Or so we thought. When we did a dry run with my parents, we quickly realized that there were several little – but very important details – that we forgot to include in our notes. And it was these details that would make the difference between a smooth and successful day with our kids versus potential meltdowns and a frustrating experience for everyone.

My wife covered the big ones – what time the kids take their medications, how much and how. Who likes what food, how to maneuver through the carpool line for school and what time they go to bed.

What we forgot to include were things like EXACTLY how to cut my son’s peanut butter sandwich. In her directions, my wife said, “Cut the peanut butter sandwich.” But as my parents were making my son’s peanut butter sandwich during the dry run, they asked, “Do you cut it in half? Do you cut it in quarters?” No. Actually, we have to cut his sandwich into quarter-sized bites and we have to cut off the crust. Wow. Something we do automatically. Failure to include that kind of detailed information could have derailed lunch for my six-year-old special needs son who is in feeding therapy and needs small bites of food to be successful with eating.

Next, my wife wrote specific notes about how to pick up our little girl from preschool (we walk in to get her). As my wife did a walk through with my parents, again, she realized she forgot to include some pretty important details such as:

  • Make sure you have a photo ID or the carpool tag to identify yourself when you pick her up
  • As you walk out of the school, you have to hold her hand as she tends to run out into the parking lot (she’s only 2)
  • And that you need sanitize her hands as soon as you get the car as her brother is medically fragile and a two year old’s hands are a magnificent host for germs.

Again, things we just do without even thinking – but that are really important for keeping our kids safe and ensuring a smooth day.

Further, when my special needs son says “Don Clare” he’s not asking for a person. He’s asking for one of his favorite books. To be honest, I didn’t even know this one. We don’t have a book titled, “Don Clare” and none of the books have a character named “Don Clare.” My son has just begun using two to three word sentences and this was his interpretation of the book titled “Bear Snores On.” How my wife figured this out, remains a mystery to me – and it would have remained a mystery to my parents if my wife hadn’t written it down in our notes after my dad asked her what my son was asking for.  

Our kids, like many others, thrive on routine and have favorite objects or TV shows, books or movies. Simple things like their favorite stuffed animal that they need to go to sleep with at night or where they like to hide their favorite sippy cup or the name of their favorite YouTube videos are small details – but they are of big importance to our children and bring them great comfort.

By painstakingly detailing your routines and including details about what makes your child comfortable or happy in your care plan, you are setting your guardians up for success and for a smooth transition in case something were to suddenly happen to you and your spouse.

Need help planning for your children’s future? We can help. Contact DJ Jeyaram at DJ@JeyLaw.com or 678.325.3872.

Congratulations To Jeyaram & Associates For Being Featured In The Business News Daily

Reprinted with permission from the Business News Daily
Special Needs Trusts

 

Owner DJ Jeyaram Esq. shared the story behind Jeyaram & Associates, a family-focused law firm that specializes in special needs trusts, wills, estate planning and healthcare legal services.

My son Kai, pictured in this photo, was born with a rare genetic condition called Williams Syndrome. He brings us an amazing amount of joy despite all of his challenges.

Soon after my son was born, we realized that we needed a plan to protect him in case anything happened to me or my wife, so we began offering special needs trusts, which help protect children’s current and future government benefits.

I started my business in 2007 after working at a large law firm. I realized that most special needs families could not afford my big firm rates and I was forced to refer these families to small firm attorneys that did not necessarily have the proper training to set up a special needs estate plan. Three months later, I hung out my shingle and have successfully been in business for more than 8 years. It’s been one of the best decisions I ever made.

One of the biggest challenges we face is limiting the number of pro bono cases we take every year. Because we have a special needs child and are ingrained in the special needs community, we meet a lot of families that need legal help but don’t have the necessary resources. We want to help everyone because we always think ‘That could be us.’

Without A Will, A Court Could Decide Custody Of Your Child

wills, Trusts and Estates10 Tips On Choosing The Right Guardian

Sadly, during the past couple of weeks, we learned of the passing of several friends and acquaintances. All of their passings were sudden. A heart attack. A car accident. A sudden mystery illness. An aneurism. To be honest, we became a bit leery about answering our phones.

Death isn’t something we like to think about, let alone talk about. However, these past few weeks were a stark reminder of how important it is to make sure we prepare for the future and to make sure our families are protected – especially if you have minor children.

We often assume that a member of our family – maybe a sister or our own mother – will automatically be given custody of our children if something happens to us. However, this is not true unless you have a will, trust or estate plan in place that specifically names them as guardians. Without a legal plan in place, anyone can request custody and a judge will decide with whom your child/children will live with.

As a result, it’s imperative to establish a will and choose a guardian for your child.

Following are some things to consider when choosing the right guardian:

  1. Age – How old is the person you’re considering to assume custody of your child if you pass? You want to make sure the potential guardian will be around for a while to raise your child.
  1. Ability – How is the health of the potential guardian? Does he/she need a lot of medical care? Is he/she emotionally stable? How many other children does the potential guardian already care for? Does he/she have a demanding job or a job that requires him/her to frequently travel? You wan to select someone who is going to be physically present and give your child the attention he/she needs – especially since your child will already be dealing with loss and grieving.
  1. Already established relationship with your child – Does the potential guardian already know your child and have an established relationship with him/her? Imagine being forced to live with someone you don’t know. Add on the stress of losing a parent. It’s imperative that your child know and be comfortable with the potential guardian.
  1. Location – Where does the potential guardian live? Is this somewhere you’d want your child to live? If you currently live in the city and your potential guardian lives in a small, remote town – would your child be happy and thrive? Does the potential guardian live in a good school district or are there good private schools nearby?
  1. Family values – Finding a potential guardian with the same family values can be challenging – but it’s perhaps one of the most important criteria to consider. Is this individual willing to instill and be supportive of your family values – especially if they do not mirror yours?
  1. Parenting style – Does the potential guardian believe in time outs? Is education important? Is the potential guardian strict or nurturing? You’ll want to choose someone who reflects your parenting style to minimize the stress and confusion on your child.
  1. Stable and loving – Selecting a guardian who can provide a stable environment for your child is critical – especially as your child will be grieving. Your child will look to the guardian for emotional and physical stability. Is the guardian in a stable relationship? Is his/her spouse open to being a guardian as well?
  1. Willing and want to serve as guardian – Taking on custody is a big responsibility. While some family members may love your child – assuming custody and providing for his/her every need is a different story. It’s important to have open and honest conversations about potential guardians to see if they want to serve as a potential guardian. Now is NOT the time to try and avoid hurt feelings. Your child’s well being and future is what’s most important.
  1. Character – Does your potential guardian have a court record of drug or alcohol abuse or a criminal history? If so, a court will reject and override your selected guardian. You want to select someone who will serve as a good role model for your child.
  1. Back up – Life happens. Your designated guardian may become incapacitated or have a change of heart upon your passing. It’s critical to have a back up potential guardian to ensure your child has a safe, loving and stable home.

It’s important to remember that a guardian is NOT required to financially support your child. As a result, it’s important when you’re setting up your will, trust or estate, to legally earmark funds for your child in a trust. Then, you will need to select an individual to oversee the disbursement of the money in the trust. This person is called a trustee. Often times, the trustee is different from your child’s guardian.

Selecting a guardian for your child can be a difficult decision – but it’s an important one. By legally documenting your wishes for your child/children, you help ensure that your loved ones are cared for and that a custody battle does not publicly play out in court.

Once you’ve carefully thought about and chosen a guardian for your child, we encourage you to consult with an attorney to help document your decision so that it becomes legally binding.

If you have questions or would like assistance, please contact DJ Jeyaram at DJ@Jeylaw.com or 678.325.3872